Alternative Names for Depression

Sometimes words fail me,
Sometimes what they mean
and what they say,
miss each other

It always seemed to me
that depression
was not a big enough word,
That depressed
Falls out easily
and falls short

Churchill called it his black dog
And when you hear it growl,
Sink chill in your bones
depressing doesn’t even begin to cover it

Yes, you are low
But perhaps, when we are in that dip
We should say
“I have fallen down a hole,
I am in the vortex of doom.”
Maybe we should call it
Heavy heart,
diagnose
Sadness weight
Say
“I am caught in a misery spiral
“A mind fog,
An Eeyore hug.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t come out today
I am suffering from bed love,
and cannot bear to leave it.

Today, I am tear drowning
Fear drowning
Today, I am failure prey,
And it is stalking me”

Maybe we should say
“He’s off sick,
He’s got a touch of
absolute fucking despair.”
Or else say
“I am fine,
I am life acting,
I am lying with smiles,
While my mind
has its hands around my throat,
and I am choking
on guilt.
I am fine.”

“Oh her? She’s ill,
gone tomorrow blind,
She is stuck in
the endless tunnel
She has forgotten the future.
She has the disease
of stolen imagination,
That leaves her unable
to believe in the dawn,
Smothered by grey hours
going nowhere.”
And my God it is dull
Call it soul boredom,
Hope death
dream decay.

Call it
That awkward moment when you realise
the way you are thinking of death
is like turning a gun over in your hands
knowing you will never pull the trigger
but wondering where the fuck you got a gun from.

I have never known an anger
so hushed
Call it fatigue in your bones,
call it silent screaming,
the unhappiness bubble

because in the end
it doesn’t matter
what words we use
As long as we are saying something
As long as we are saying

“Hey, is that your dog?”
“Hey, is this your imagination?
Only I found it under your window sill
And I know you don’t recognise it,
But see here – these are your hopes
and this bit here?
This is where the lights come on.”

Just as long as we are saying
“Hey, is it dark in there?

“Hey, are you alright?”

Bonus photo: the set up I had to film the video (available here) because my memory is rubbish.

filming

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